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Do I regret because I loved him or just because I wanted to be loved? 2 | lonelystars's Blog


For a long time I thought I loved my first love, because he was very kind and I felt loved around him. But I was wrong, that wasn't the reason I loved him.

Today when I was reading my old diary I could see clearly when I fell in love with his kindness. I didn't write it down in words, but I could tell clearly from the way I worded it. In the beginning it was true that I loved him for his kindness and for the fact that I felt accepted and loved by him. But somehow those feelings slowly changedĀ in 2 years, until the day we confessed and became aware of each others feelings.

When I read back in my diary how I felt after the confession I got really shocked, because I had written down what I saw as precious memories back then. Those memories were 2 little jokes he made and I could feel how it stirred up my emotions. I couldn't bear reading any further and stopped reading. All I wanted was to cry, remembering how simple love was. I didn't only love him because he was kind or by my side when I had nobody else. I loved his smile, his jokes, his expressionsĀ just every little thing about him! I just consciously or unconsciously forgot about it.

It feels horrible to remember how it really used to be, because now I have to deal with emotions I don't know how to deal with. But one thing is sure: My feelings changed from wanting to be loved to really loving this person and I really don't know how that happened.

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Previous Posts
The teacher I had a crush on, posted October 22nd, 2013
The story about my first love, posted March 17th, 2013
Do I regret because I loved him or just because I wanted to be loved? 2, posted February 11th, 2013
I don't want Skype and MSN messenger to merge!!!, posted December 14th, 2012
Changing and denying change 2, posted April 30th, 2012
First dream of 2012, posted January 1st, 2012
Do I regret because I loved him or just because I wanted to be loved?, posted December 30th, 2011, 2 comments
I might have a crush on a teacher, posted December 23rd, 2011
My future, posted December 10th, 2011
Changing and denying change, posted December 3rd, 2011
The real me, posted November 24th, 2011, 2 comments
Returning to the past, posted October 28th, 2011
New beginning, posted October 11th, 2011

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